I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
