Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
