So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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