I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
