The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
