i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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