I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
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I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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