cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
