Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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