matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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