I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
