After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
