it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
