Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
