I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
