Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
