Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
