but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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