So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
