There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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