Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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