So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
