But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
