I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
