i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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