Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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