I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
