I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
