I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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