yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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