He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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