I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
