did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i think my cat just said my name.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
