would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
