I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
