i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Randomize
