Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
