But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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