OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
