Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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