I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
