ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
