Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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