Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
