Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
