the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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