OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
id be glad to
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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