I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
