do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've blown a few things in my day
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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