i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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