We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
