In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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