Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
