dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
