Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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