i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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