i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
