were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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