Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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