o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
