i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
