Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
