worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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