I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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