P.S. I can't hear my feet
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
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