she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
