I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
