There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
