Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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