why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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