i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
