i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I FOUND THE LEGS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
