Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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