From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
